Everybody is free to feel good.

Here is my phrase for today. It is from a song I love, but it true also. Weather we like to admit it or not we do get to choose how we feel. We can feel good or bad on a bad day. It is easier to feel bad, when sucky things are happening, but if you choose you can always find a reason to feel good, no matter how small it is. I know it is hard, but I need to keep that in mind in the moment.

Trials

Most people think their own trails are harder then those around them, I think mine are a walk in the park when compared. I wish I could do something for them, but I am not God and I am not magic.

On totally different note, I want to start getting ready to have another child. But the fear is I will be taking on more then I can handle, and since you all saw my last post, well you can see why I have that fear. So the question is how will I know when I am ready. I will I know when I can handle three, if I only have two? Yesterday I was talking to someone who reminded me about those compatibility tests that are out there now. You can go over them with the person you are thinking about marrying to see how you would both react in any given situation. They talk about kids, finances, and other stuff. Is there one of those to see if my husband and I are ready for three? At the same time I don't even know why I am thinking about it so much, since I already said it would be march of next year before I even thought about trying again. I don't remember it being this big of a decision the last two times.

Noe is just not the right time, for a list of reasons, and still I am thinking, why?

That is it for today.

Not a good day!

The day is half way over and so far, very disappointing. Everything I try to do fails, everything I touch breaks, I had pink paint on my carpet by 9 am. And it was everywhere else in Elena's room, most of which I have cleaned up. I left late to pick up the kids, Daniel and a neighbor girl, from school, so when I put Elena in the car and noticed she had a dirty diaper, well she had to wait until we got home. She feel asleep on the way there, I had to wake her up to go inside. When we got home I changed her diaper, poor little red bum, and while that was happening Daniel poured water into all my fake flower arrangements I had on the table getting ready to be out somewhere for Fall decorations. While cleaning those out I put Elena down for a nap, FAIL, an hour later and I an still going in there every few minutes to put her in her bed again. The sucky thing is if she goes to sleep now she will not go to bed well tonight, if she doesn't she will start crying at 5:30 or so and not stop until she goes to bed at 7ish. I NEED chocolate.

Here is the thought, forget it I don't want to offend.

Who reads this?

Looking back over my blog I don't see very many coments, so I was just wondering who reads this anyway? Comment if do.

General thoughts.

A lot has been happening in my life. I am feeling the Lord molding me in His hands. I want to be better, but sometimes don't want to do what it takes to get there. Life I think is a lot like running a race. I used to think running a race was all about the finish, hence the reason why I could never run far. Now I get it, it is about the running, the end doesn't matter much, and even when it matters a lot, it can not be accomplished without the running, the middle. Life is the same way, it isn't about getting to the end, which I am not saying I can't to die, I am saying I am always saying how great it will be when..... You finish it the way you want, I used to say when I got married, now I say when my kids are grown up, I know when that happens I will say, when I have grand kids, then what, then I am old and I waited my whole life to be old? I can't wait to see my children as adults, it is true, but I need to enjoy/live/love the now. Right now. Right where I am in life right now. The middle, the running, whatever you want to call it. I hope I can learn to do this. That way when I am old I can look back at my life and be content with it, with what I did, and who I was. I don't want to be old and look back at my life and think of all the things I wish I had done differently. That's it for now.

Innocence is bliss

Sometimes it really is, once you know you can't unknow.

Live and Learn

Live and Learn, there is not really any other way to do.

Tomorrows another day.....

I am just feeling off, so blah. I have a ton to do but feel behind and not organized. Not up to what lays ahead of me. Also wondering, questioning the past. I finally care about what happened back when I was a kid and I want answers. Why? Who knows. But I am too busy, and right now is not the time for me to decied to slow down. I know I will feel better tomorrow, because well, tomorrow is another day. A new day, a fresh start.