Your actions effect others mmore then you know.

Today I don't have much time, but wanted to write about how our actions effect others. They really do more then we know, both for good and for bad. And if we pass on good feelings to others, they pass those on with whoever they come in contact with. So I guess the moral of the story is that I am trying to control my emotions. What I want to say isn't really coming out right, but anyway, right now I am trying to think before I act or talk about how what I am going to do or say will effect others. Mostly what I say, sometimes I say things without even thinking and don't even really mean them, they just come out and sound negative. So that is what I am working on now. That and getting my house in order, I like things clean and in order I think better when they are that way. And for the most part my house is, but when I go down-down stairs where my storage is, it gives me anxiety. So I am off to work on that area. Here I go.....

Responsibility

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, my own and others, and how we handle all the different responsibilities we have. It is wise to not take on more then you can handle, and helpful to those who are working with you because if you do take on more then you can handle, inevitably you wont be able to do it all, and those who work with you will have to pick up the slack. If you only take what you can handle, others will have to do the rest, but they will know what things need to be taken care of, instead of thinking you have it under control and finding out last minute it needs to be done. Also I think sometimes we take on more then we can thinking to prove something, but it hurts others when we do this, because ultimately we drop the ball. Some people look at others and say wow, look at all she can do and I can barely do.... (whatever). But I don't envy those who can do it all, well no one can, so I should say those who try to do it all. They are neglecting something, or someone, in their life. I know it is hard to balance life, I struggle with this all the time, but the biggest thing is not taking on too much to balance. A juggler who knows how to juggle 3 balls should not tell others he can do 5. If he does he might make it for a few minutes with five, but then the balls all come crashing down. The true character of a person is in what they do when all the "balls" in their life come crashing down. Do they turn to others for help picking them all back up slowly, do they grab them all up at once and start juggling five again, do they give up all together and walk away from all the balls, do they get depressed and do nothing until something or someone reaches out to them and puts one of the balls in their hands. Which type am I? Honestly, I am working on being the one who starts to pick them up again slowly with the help of others, however, I it is in my personality to want to do it all all the time, so I often am the person who picks them all back up and starts to throw again. Which type are you? Just think about it, you don't need to post it. This is getting long so those are my thoughts for today, unedited.

Start each day as if it were on purpose....

That is what I did today, I got my to-do list done the night before for the next day. Then I woke up early, for me 7:15, had a shower and was dressed and ready to go before my kids got up, at about 8 or so. It made such a difference in my day. I am slowly becoming a morning person. I want to be one. In fact when I am wake in the morning I love it, I am not grumpy, I feel good. But the problem is I can't fall asleep at night. I get in bed early, 9:30 or so, but lay awake for a while. I have tried different things. Currently I take melatonin, it helps me fall asleep, but seems like it makes it harder for me to wake up the next morning, though I am not sure yet if it is that or just the season. Any who, I am going to try something else my sister suggested, can't remember the name right now. I really wish I could fall asleep in 5 or 10 minutes like Christopher can. While I am still figuring out the going to sleep, I know the waking up early is good and I am going to try to keep it up for 30 days, that is how long it takes to make a habit. I am also working on a morning routine.

Starting to get it......

I am home with just Elena, Daniel is at school. And now I can see why when Daniel was even younger then Elena I was ready for another kid. I am able to get stuff done, yet still play with Elena, she plays by herself and no one is hitting or stealing toys. If it were like this all the time I would be ready to have another one. So now I see why people space their kids out, when the next one comes the older one is starting school and not home all the time. This way you can get more one on one time and get more done, without getting burned out. humm..... well, for now my only conclusion is I love the time I have with Elena and I am making sure to not spend it all doing stuff, but to play with her and spend time with her. As far as the next baby, I already know I am not even considering it again until march or next year. Also the other thing I am starting to get is that everything is relative. So it is easier for me to brush off the not so good things, and stay positive. still working on it.

The last phrase was a test.

For me anyway, I just crashed Christopher's car last night, I wasn't hurt and my kids were not in the car, thankfully. But I did see that while it was the buggiest thing and I was wishing it didn't happen, going to cost me both time and money, I still had the choice to let it get to me or not. Of Course I was upset and really mad at myself for a bit, but I realize that I am blessed it was just the car that got hurt, and also that I have the money to fit it. I love my husband, he helped me realize it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought. It is sucky, but it happened the only thing left to do now is work on getting it fixed. If i sat and wished it didn't happen and felt bad for myself or angry at myself, it wouldn't help at all and would only make things worse for myself. While my plans changed for the day and I wasn't able to go out like I had planned when I laid down to sleep last night I was able to because I had let it go. I guess I look at it this way, my plans for the rest of my day were changed, but that is way better then my plans for the rest of my life changing because I was hurt badly. Anyway, my neck does hurt so I think I will try and see the chiropractor, and hopefully the insurance will pay for it. That is that for today.

Everybody is free to feel good.

Here is my phrase for today. It is from a song I love, but it true also. Weather we like to admit it or not we do get to choose how we feel. We can feel good or bad on a bad day. It is easier to feel bad, when sucky things are happening, but if you choose you can always find a reason to feel good, no matter how small it is. I know it is hard, but I need to keep that in mind in the moment.

Trials

Most people think their own trails are harder then those around them, I think mine are a walk in the park when compared. I wish I could do something for them, but I am not God and I am not magic.

On totally different note, I want to start getting ready to have another child. But the fear is I will be taking on more then I can handle, and since you all saw my last post, well you can see why I have that fear. So the question is how will I know when I am ready. I will I know when I can handle three, if I only have two? Yesterday I was talking to someone who reminded me about those compatibility tests that are out there now. You can go over them with the person you are thinking about marrying to see how you would both react in any given situation. They talk about kids, finances, and other stuff. Is there one of those to see if my husband and I are ready for three? At the same time I don't even know why I am thinking about it so much, since I already said it would be march of next year before I even thought about trying again. I don't remember it being this big of a decision the last two times.

Noe is just not the right time, for a list of reasons, and still I am thinking, why?

That is it for today.