Thursday, February 17, 2011
Don't have a title.....
So here is something I have been thinking about. Do you extend a courtesy to someone who doesn't do the same to you? Hard to explain but lets say someone is a crappy gift giver, I like giving gifts that have meaning or are actually something I think the person wants to receive, but if someone alsways just gives me whatever, or something that doesn't require any thought, like money, which isn't bad, do I still go through a lot of trouble to get them an awesome gift? Not sure if that is what I am trying to say. But in general do you do things for other people who don't do them for you?
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Sometimes... but when dealing with folks, I keep in mind the overall energy exchange. Interactions ARE an energy exchange, after all... and I would take into account ALL of my interactions with the person. Perhaps they are lousy at gifting, but there are other aspects of our relationship in which they excel -- and perhaps where I don't -- that balance out the exchange overall. Not that everything has to be a perfect balance, but if the scale is always tipped to what I SHARE, I give some thought t whether this person is a positive or negative overall in my life. No one has the time or energy to feed those who only suck the life and energy out of others.
ReplyDeleteI do, because I benefit as much from the giving of a great gift as the person receiving it. Some people just aren't good gifters, but like mom said, they maybe make up for that in another area. And giving great gifts (not that I am able to do so every time), gives me pleasure, and so I guess it's sort of selfish!
ReplyDeletefunny you should post this hays. i have been thinking about the same thing. but mostly in reguards to who i keep close to me or not. should I use my energy and put it into relationships that are one sided, or one side is not what I want but I do what the other persons needs/ wants? Don't have a firm answere yet, but I am leaning towards a case by case basis.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE giving thoughtful presents. Picking out the perfect thing is fun for me, so I usually do it, regardless of who it is. It stresses me out a lot if it's someone I don't know well. (Though I'm so good I can usually figure something out).
ReplyDeleteRegarding what tali and amy said too...Idk. If I'm not getting anything out of the relationship, usually I'll just let it fade away. Maintaining relationships is hard for me. (That sucks. And makes me think I must be kind of un-likeable) So unless I'm getting something from the relationship, I just kind of let it go.
well, that is all good. But what about relationships that you can't really let go..... people you really see a lot, how much effort do you put into those, ones that others seem to suck out of me. I guess I feel like everyone can have a few of those but who really knows.... you guys all have good points.... hum better keep thinking.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I decide to take the cue from them. If I try to give gifts and don't get much or any response in return, I will choose to do as they have chosen to do or I do it at a level that makes me feel comfortable but not necessarily at the same level as I did before. I think each relationship needs to be treated uniquely but at times it is hard to always give thoughtful gifts due to money restraints or sheer numbers.
ReplyDeleteGifting is something that is important to me too, and along those same lines, I have a difficult time with energy vampires. I suppose sometimes it is difficult for me because my language of love is service and gifting is part of that service, or at least it is for me. I like handmade gifts that take some thought. If I give a gift card, I at least will do it to something special they wouldn't enjoy otherwise, like Jamba gift cards for my college age niece. But for people you really can't avoid, I think it is helpful to only do what you can without begrudging anything in return, regardless of what it lacks. I always tell myself that I never know their true feelings and thoughts. I have come to a point that even if I give a really special gift, I can feel good about not giving anything in return.
ReplyDeleteOk, but gift giving was just an example... look at the big picture, anyway thanks for the comments still figuring it out, but I am getting there.
ReplyDeletei'm a pay it forward person (well i try to be). regardless of the situation. i try to be the person i want others to be to me. so i usually go all out (in a relationship i give give give and usually don't get much. but i keep on giving) even if i don't get from anyone. i try to make others feel more important that i feel. if that makes sense?
ReplyDeletealthough sometimes i am "human" and get catty. just when i'm in a bad mood though. ;)
Ah, Those relationships are hard. And honestly? I don't know. I do a lot to avoid people that are toxic to me. I've even quit jobs because of it.
ReplyDeleteIn cases where I CAN'T just let the relationship fade? Usually I just stay, and keep pouring everything I haven into it. Giving WAY more than I get back, and getting more and more upset by it.
(Hey, I didn't say it was a good method, but it IS what I do. I don't know how to do things part way.)