Sometimes it is better to just say nothing at all.
I am not very good at that. Once we have said something we can't take it back. So sometimes I should just not say anything but I always have to have somoething to say. So for now I am working on saying les, only what needs to be said.
I have been thinking about this one for myself latly too. I know I need to learn to bite my tounge, and especially when I listen to someone else. I know often people just need to be heard, not talked at. its hard for me. but i also know i need to get that skill now for when i have teenagers. I always hated that when i would talk to my parents as a teen, they ALWAYS had so much to say, and they would say it. It made me feel like what i had needed to talk about was forgotten or not as important. But your a great listener Hays!
One of the best ways to practice this is by "reflective listening" (if you do it right!). Paraphrasing -- putting what they said into your vocabulary and context -- briefly -- and repeating it back can give you something to say that validates their statement and lets them know you heard. But keeping it brief and relevant -- and not lapsing into "I remember when..." stories is the hard part.
I was listening to this talk given by a communication expert, and he said that women (generally speaking) think there is something wrong in the relationship if there's no talking going on. So we instinctively try to fix it by talking, when most of the time there is nothing to fix, and we sometimes end up doing more damage than good.
I have been thinking about this one for myself latly too. I know I need to learn to bite my tounge, and especially when I listen to someone else. I know often people just need to be heard, not talked at. its hard for me. but i also know i need to get that skill now for when i have teenagers. I always hated that when i would talk to my parents as a teen, they ALWAYS had so much to say, and they would say it. It made me feel like what i had needed to talk about was forgotten or not as important. But your a great listener Hays!
ReplyDeleteOne of the best ways to practice this is by "reflective listening" (if you do it right!). Paraphrasing -- putting what they said into your vocabulary and context -- briefly -- and repeating it back can give you something to say that validates their statement and lets them know you heard. But keeping it brief and relevant -- and not lapsing into "I remember when..." stories is the hard part.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of when Jesus said, "Only one thing is needful." I think on that a lot.
ReplyDeleteI was listening to this talk given by a communication expert, and he said that women (generally speaking) think there is something wrong in the relationship if there's no talking going on. So we instinctively try to fix it by talking, when most of the time there is nothing to fix, and we sometimes end up doing more damage than good.
ReplyDelete