okay well actually I have a ways to go, but I feel like I am almost there because I have made a lot of progress and come along way. Where, you ask? Well I will tell you, almost back to where I was before I had Anthony. Having him really threw me a curve ball, not for the reasons I expected, which would be why I said curve ball. You see I had heard of people talk about postpartum depression but I never experienced any thing remotely close. Don't get me wrong right after I had my other kids things were crazy, my life was turned upside down, I ran on very little, very interrupted sleep, but I didn't FEEL different. This time , with Anthony, about 6 to 8 weeks after he was born I began to feel different, easily irritated, angry a lot, extremely sad. But the thing is they weren't my feelings, I mean I was feeling them but even in the moment, in the middle of the feeling I could easily think to my self why I am feeling this? I didn't want to feel it, I didn't have something that caused it, the feeling would just come and just as easily go. It really bothered me, to the point where I was close to talking to a doc about it, but I didn't, mostly because it wasn't soo bad I wanted to kill myself or anyone else, it wasn't bad enough that I thought I needed meds and I was sure my body good fix it on it's own with time, but I also didn't talk to a doc because it is hard to say..... "I have postpartum depression." Why am I telling you all this, well, I am not sure but I think it is so you can understand how awesome I feel when I say I am almost there, back to me :-) (I need to keep a journal because this would be a good thing to write in it.)
Any way if any of you are still reading the sucky feelings lasted for shorter and shorter periods and the good feelings in between got longer and longer. I think I am now there, feeling wise, and all that is left is to pick my life back up and put it back the way I want it. It has been about three months of these sucky feelings and right before that two months of okay feeling wise but having a new baby, so you can imagine what I my life might look like after being ignored for that long. I have some work to do but am able to look back I what I just went through and appreciate it. I definitely learned from it, and am happy to be on the other side.