Stop and Smell the Roses

Seriously been for-ev-er! but really right now I feel like I am running by the roses with my hand stretched out trying to grab them as I run by. And it's hard because I have realized what really matters most is people, how you treat them, your relationships. So when I am trying to hurry around I also know I (and those around me) both NEED me to make time for the people in my life, even and especially if it is just sitting around talking. So here I am trying to not stop but still smell the roses. Guess we will see how well I can make it work. Here's to the people in your life, make them important tell them how you feel. Make sure you SHOW them that they are important to you.

Labor

Okay so I was going to post this big long thing about how I went to my sisters labor and how amazing it was, so much so I can't describe it, I almost cried several times because it was such a miracle. This huge baby just comes out of this little tiny women, doing no harm to either of them and he will grow to be a person, think, act and choose for himself, and maybe one day be right there helping his wife bring new life into this world again.

But because one I can't share all the details, since it wasn't me, two, you probably would stop reading but the time I was finished, and three, I don't have words to really explain what I want to I will just say this.

It was amazing, my sister handled it so well it actually made me want to try to do it again. ( I wasn't extremely happy with Anthony's birth, glad he is here and healthy and we are all well, but not happy about the way I handled it) Unfortunately birth isn't really something you just get to do over, or try again. I can say if I do have any more kids I will be trying to remember everything I saw and use it to help me. I really don't know where this is going. But anyway I would like sisters there, maybe a few.

Anyway, I am glad I went, child birth really is a miracle and I wish everyone could experience it, or at least experience seeing it. But all in all I know our Heavenly Father is looking out for us and knows what each of us needs to experience and what we can learn.

Relationships

Here is what I have been thinking about lately:

In the end it is how you handled your relationships that will really matter, everything else is well.... just stuff.

I am almost there!

okay well actually I have a ways to go, but I feel like I am almost there because I have made a lot of progress and come along way. Where, you ask? Well I will tell you, almost back to where I was before I had Anthony. Having him really threw me a curve ball, not for the reasons I expected, which would be why I said curve ball. You see I had heard of people talk about postpartum depression but I never experienced any thing remotely close. Don't get me wrong right after I had my other kids things were crazy, my life was turned upside down, I ran on very little, very interrupted sleep, but I didn't FEEL different. This time , with Anthony, about 6 to 8 weeks after he was born I began to feel different, easily irritated, angry a lot, extremely sad. But the thing is they weren't my feelings, I mean I was feeling them but even in the moment, in the middle of the feeling I could easily think to my self why I am feeling this? I didn't want to feel it, I didn't have something that caused it, the feeling would just come and just as easily go. It really bothered me, to the point where I was close to talking to a doc about it, but I didn't, mostly because it wasn't soo bad I wanted to kill myself or anyone else, it wasn't bad enough that I thought I needed meds and I was sure my body good fix it on it's own with time, but I also didn't talk to a doc because it is hard to say..... "I have postpartum depression." Why am I telling you all this, well, I am not sure but I think it is so you can understand how awesome I feel when I say I am almost there, back to me :-) (I need to keep a journal because this would be a good thing to write in it.)

Any way if any of you are still reading the sucky feelings lasted for shorter and shorter periods and the good feelings in between got longer and longer. I think I am now there, feeling wise, and all that is left is to pick my life back up and put it back the way I want it. It has been about three months of these sucky feelings and right before that two months of okay feeling wise but having a new baby, so you can imagine what I my life might look like after being ignored for that long. I have some work to do but am able to look back I what I just went through and appreciate it. I definitely learned from it, and am happy to be on the other side.

Heard this fable.....

Fable of the Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one woun...ded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

What do you think?

organization is the key to life.....

Okay, I have realized organization is the key, isn't that how the saying goes, organization is the key to life? Well I think it is right , or at least the key to a less stressful life. But here is the kicker it is hard to be organized/ get organized, it is work. But here is my thinking, usually with parenting a little kid the harder thing to do is the better/ easier thing to do in the long run right? I.E - making the child clean up after themselves, when they are little it seems easier to just pick up their jacket and shoes, or the few toys they left on the floor, but then you are teaching them it is okay, so later on down the road you made it harder for your self. Well I think it is the same with being organized in life. It may seem like more work now, or harder to do, but by doing it you can make your life easier and less stressful down the road. So that is what I am working on now. What do you all do to try and stay organized?

It's the little things that count........

So today I went to the bathroom in piece by myself and stayed there a few minutes extra, it was a good day! I decided not to let all the other stupid little things that happened ruin my day. (Easy you say, they were not few in number) My oven broke so I called a guy to come fix it..... long story short I paid $60 for him to tell me it wold cost me about the same to fix it as it would to get a new one, all of that only two days After Pres. Day, a big appliance sale day........ I packed up Elena and Anthony a drove to my mother in laws house to get some stuff, I got home to realize I missed one thing I really needed, so turned right back around and packed up the kids again and went again. Then I went to a place, Christopher got off work early to meet me there to get some passes we bought, I had checked before on the website says they are open until 7 today, get there at 6:30 and they are closed, we all went our for that. Also paid my house payment late, but I thought I got it in the grace period, nope get a call today that I have a late fee. Any way point is there is good in all these things..... I wont list them all but like the oven..... I have the money to pay for it so.... I should be happy for that. After we went all the way to the closed place I switched Christopher cars he took the kids home and I ran a few kid-less errands. Anyway, what I am saying, or trying to, is these two things:
One: I can complain about the bad or I can be grateful for the good. and
Two: Worse things have happened, to me and others, so in the big scheme of things does it really matter?

Don't have a title.....

So here is something I have been thinking about. Do you extend a courtesy to someone who doesn't do the same to you? Hard to explain but lets say someone is a crappy gift giver, I like giving gifts that have meaning or are actually something I think the person wants to receive, but if someone alsways just gives me whatever, or something that doesn't require any thought, like money, which isn't bad, do I still go through a lot of trouble to get them an awesome gift? Not sure if that is what I am trying to say. But in general do you do things for other people who don't do them for you?

25 years old.....

So I turned 25!...... well felt just like turning 24 or any other number. I think, of course I don't know, that it wont bother me much when I turn 30 but who knows. I think it wont because everyone I associate with is in mostly the same stage of life as me but older then me by 5 or more years. My neighbors and women in my ward are mostly 10 or so years older then me with either kids my age or a little bit older. I am the youngest of my sisters (I am not trying to make you feel old). Just everyone around me is older so I may be getting older but I am will always be the youngest of the old people :-)
So this got me thinking, I am gonna make a list of things I want to do before I turn 30, not really a bucket list just things I want to be able to say I have already done when I am 30. So I want to hear what things you all did/would put on your list. This post isn't going the way I was thinking and I am tired so I'm done.

Detox

Okay yesterday was the last day of my "experiment"/ detox/ diet/ veggie cleanse, whatever you want to call it. Here is a recap:
*I ate new things I have never tried before.
*I made salsa for the first time, it wasn't that good but then again I don't usually like homemade salsa because it has too much cilantro, and what do I do but put too much.
*I made homemade veggie soup for the first and second time and both times it was yummy! Later I added chicken, not bad either.
*I learned how to broil, never have done that before. Broiled peppers, pineapple, chicken, all were good.
*I lost 5 pounds
*I went 14 days without sugar, salt or any kind of fat, butter, oil, all of that.

All in all I think it was a good experience. I learned a lot and tried new things, the challenge now will just be to keep up with the four cups of veggies a day. But ins't putting what you learned into real life always the hardest part?

Self Control

So did I scare everyone away with that last post? Or are you all just busy, or just reading and not commenting? Either way, right now I am learning a lesson of two in self control, something they say leads to success.

So for right now I am doing a, well call it a diet or detox if you want, but I am calling it an experiment. I am following this thing, starting with only veggies, anyway then you add things each day. And when I say only veggies, the first day you don't eat anything except veggies, no seasoning, no butter, salt, just veggies. And by them selves the first day, then the next day you can mix them, but still only veggies, then some seasoning, then one serving of whole grains, and so on. Wow has it been hard. I am learning how to cook with veggies, something I really need to do and also how to mix and use creative ways to cook. It is a big test in self control. It has been interesting and hard sometimes and fun. I am on day 7 and it is 14 days so guess I will let you know how it goes.

Something I was thinking

Who you are is made up of tons of small choices...... (Gotta find a better phrase that says that)

But here is what I mean.... If a person used to be fit but now they are out of shape they probably go that way by eating more exercising less, you know... but really it was just one choice at a time, small choices, like to have something greasy instead of veggies..... or to watch a show instead of take a walk. Well likewise if someone used to be generous and now they are stingy, they got there the same way, only reason it looks different is because the choices they made were probably subconscious. Like they used to give a lot to everyone then they met someone who used them for their stuff and they became a bit jaded. So slowly over time they choose, weather they know it or not, to be stingy. Just like the person in example one choose to be out of shape. (Not saying anything about anyone but myself, don't take this offensive)

So that must mean that we choose to be the way we are. If we don't like something about our character then we need to choose to change it. So I have been thinking about this because I am not as confident as I want to be but didn't know how to gain that confidence. Well here it is.. just hit me in the head. I have to make a series of choices. I have to choose to be confident. It isn't easy but it is do-able. It will take time, just as much time as it took me to lose my confidence and get to where I am now...... second guessing every choice, unable to make a decision, wondering what others are thinking about me (more like obsessing about it, to the point where I change the way I act because of it) This is NOT me, and today right now I am making a choice to get on the long path back to myself. I choose to change myself for the better and to be confident.

Emotions

Do you control your emotions or do they control you?