Sunday, March 13, 2011

I am almost there!

okay well actually I have a ways to go, but I feel like I am almost there because I have made a lot of progress and come along way. Where, you ask? Well I will tell you, almost back to where I was before I had Anthony. Having him really threw me a curve ball, not for the reasons I expected, which would be why I said curve ball. You see I had heard of people talk about postpartum depression but I never experienced any thing remotely close. Don't get me wrong right after I had my other kids things were crazy, my life was turned upside down, I ran on very little, very interrupted sleep, but I didn't FEEL different. This time , with Anthony, about 6 to 8 weeks after he was born I began to feel different, easily irritated, angry a lot, extremely sad. But the thing is they weren't my feelings, I mean I was feeling them but even in the moment, in the middle of the feeling I could easily think to my self why I am feeling this? I didn't want to feel it, I didn't have something that caused it, the feeling would just come and just as easily go. It really bothered me, to the point where I was close to talking to a doc about it, but I didn't, mostly because it wasn't soo bad I wanted to kill myself or anyone else, it wasn't bad enough that I thought I needed meds and I was sure my body good fix it on it's own with time, but I also didn't talk to a doc because it is hard to say..... "I have postpartum depression." Why am I telling you all this, well, I am not sure but I think it is so you can understand how awesome I feel when I say I am almost there, back to me :-) (I need to keep a journal because this would be a good thing to write in it.)

Any way if any of you are still reading the sucky feelings lasted for shorter and shorter periods and the good feelings in between got longer and longer. I think I am now there, feeling wise, and all that is left is to pick my life back up and put it back the way I want it. It has been about three months of these sucky feelings and right before that two months of okay feeling wise but having a new baby, so you can imagine what I my life might look like after being ignored for that long. I have some work to do but am able to look back I what I just went through and appreciate it. I definitely learned from it, and am happy to be on the other side.

5 comments:

  1. I've never experienced anything like that either, but I've thought about it a bit, because I know it could possibly happen after our baby is born. Glad to hear you've found the other side. It's always a good feeling to feel like "yourself".

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  2. You know, I think I've had your kind (or level) of post partum depression too, after Guinevere (starting when she was about 3 months old). For me, I don't think it really hit until I got sick separately, but then it was like I couldn't shake the 'funk,' and although it was never bad bad, I just felt like moving through molasses in my life, and also I struggled to feel happy, happy about me, happy about what I was doing. People talkt about hearing negative voices (like Flylady talks about), but in general in my life I haven't really felt that way - until this past winter. I don't know if it's the onset of spring, or if my post pregnancy hormones are finally normalizing, or even if I'm just finally finding my balance with three kids, but whatever it is, for the last month or so I have begun to feel positive again. It's been really nice.

    I'm glad that you're doing well now too, and honestly, I'm also glad I'm not the only one who has been struggling with this - it makes me feel better about struggling so much at all.

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  3. its the third kid shlump! I tell ya its just harder to bounce back after the third kid! There is more to juggle, and also its been so many years with little sleep. I had a really hard time after Arthur, i felt like i was never on top of things! It took a long while till i felt put together again.

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  4. I have and still feel different since natalie was born. I don't feel depressed until I realize I am overwhelmed and unable to get a hold on my work. and once that happens even laundry gets me down and I hvae to send my kids to grandmas for a few hours and clean like crazy uninterupted. then I feel refreshed and happy. I am not the most clean person, but clean makes me happy. Three is a huge adjustment. I think as big or bigger then the first one, just my oppinion. I am glad you are almost there, you can do it Hays!

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  5. yeah, it seems crazy but I thought I was close but then the thing is one little tiny thing happens and it really gets me sets me back a lot. Sometimes it is really one little step frontwards and then like three back. But I am getting there, that's for sure.

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